my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
