she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
