Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
