just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
