you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
