bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
