please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
