Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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