I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
