direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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