If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
