if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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