i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
