We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
