I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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