Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize