What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How naked do you want me to be?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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