cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize