hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
