oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
