I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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