I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
