Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
