How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
