apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
