Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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