Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
God I need to hump something, right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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