We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
