Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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