Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
