Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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