Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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