And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I CAN MOONWALK!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
