I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
