HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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