White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
should my penis look like a turkey
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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