thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
