So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
