Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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