Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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