Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize