I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
