if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
did i walk over a car last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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