Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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