Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
