U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had sex on a roof
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
