Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
