Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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