I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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