Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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