those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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