puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
