I got chris browned last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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