SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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