she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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