Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
