My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
