TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
