first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
