Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
