The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
