So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
