This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
