Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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