you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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