i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
