i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize