That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
