I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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