community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
